January 2012
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The Little Orchid That Could
I don’t have a green thumb. A hitchhiker’s thumb, sure, I’m all over that. I have two, in fact. But a green one? Nope, not even the slightest green hue anywhere on the whole thing. I planted some seedlings last year and let them survive just long enough to manifest the kind torture they were experiencing before I let them wither away into crunchy, dehydrated nothings.
When my...
December 2011
2 posts
November 2011
4 posts
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October 2011
12 posts
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I saw my grandfather this weekend…
Grandaddy: (shocked look on face) What are those socks you're wearing?! (Regarding my reddish tights)
Me: You don't like them?
Grandaddy: Well, (nervous laugh) I just like you…
Nice save.
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September 2011
15 posts
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Your purse is too big, when:
You find an apple in it and didn’t know it was there.
The apple isn’t rotten, so at least I know it hasn’t been there that long…
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“Nobody nurses a grudge like Saban, who made sure when his players showed up for...”
– Sports Illustrated (I know I’m behind a few issues, but I wanted to post it anyway)
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August 2011
6 posts
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Me: You ate all my Doritos!
Jonathan: I had one.
Me: You had more than one.
Jonathan: … at a time.
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Jonathan, who has been sucked in by The Godfather all night: Great, it's 1:30 in the morning now. I'm just going to fall asleep watching a mob movie.
Me: Perfect. You fall asleep watching your mob movie, and I'll fall asleep as I finish reading Frankenstein.
Jonathan: And we'll have dreams about fuzzy bunnies and butterflies.
Me: With their brains blown out.
July 2011
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“Jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle ya nose, jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle...”
– The lyrics to the “song” Jonathan just made up while shaking our cat’s face.